


Professional Bullet Dodgers

by HiyaDude



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Not related to Sasuke if that's what you were thinking, Self-Insert, Uchiha twins, two halves of my personality
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-18
Updated: 2017-11-21
Packaged: 2018-02-21 16:33:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2474954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiyaDude/pseuds/HiyaDude
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Alright, here's the plan, you distract him while I go find Sasuke." Elaine whispered-yelled in my ear, "Then we'll meet up by the river we passed on the way here! Foolproof, BYE!" Elaine then threw a smoke bomb onto the ground and disappeared in an instant. I gaped at the place she used to be, then glanced hesitantly at the murderous looking redhead who now stared at me intently. </p><p>Shit! And she wonders why I have fucking trust issues!?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Massacre Bullet

**Author's Note:**

> Yo! this is the first transfer from my account on ff.net, hope you like it :)

For quite some time I did not realize that my twin sister was actually the girl that I had accidentally died with.

For the first couple of months after we were born, we just laid in our cribs silently, only crying when we needed something so it never really came up. We never tried to communicate with each other, we just sat in our cribs, brooding and bored out of our minds without being able to do anything about it.

The first time we realized that we were both in the same boat was probably around the time both of us could finally support our own heads.

She reached over for my pacifier because she had somehow dropped hers out of the crib, and I very deliberately slapped her hand away.

Instead of crying, she hit me back.

And that was when we started to realize something was up.

We started testing each other, I would hold out my hand and she would wrap her tiny fingers around mine and shake it, she would offer me her toy and I would nod clumsily at her in acceptance.

Thinking back now, it doesn't really seem like much, but it was enough for us to try harder to communicate with each other.

We came up with a simple and basic speaking pattern that consisted of slightly distinguishable coo's and gurgles. It was frustrating when it didn't seem like what we were trying to say was getting through to the other. I think the only thing that we both understood fully, was when one of us said 'Baa' which for me meant 'Give that back!' for Elaine it meant 'Hey bitch! Give that back before I push you on your back so you can't sit back up!'

It was a fairly complicated relationship.

We had a nice mother and father, both eerily similar in looks, and an older brother, although he didn't seem to like us very much by the way he always stuck his tongue out at us whenever we were near. They all had black hair, black eyes, and pale skin.

I had hoped that I wouldn't look like them when my hair finally started to grow out. Elaine and I were both born bald and pale with black eyes, but there was still a glimmer of a chance that I would still have the brown hair from my past life.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

Once our hair grew out we both had tiny black strands at the top of our heads.

As we continued to develop, I noticed something rather unsettling. We both had single black birth mark on the tip of our index finger. they were both small and almost unnoticeable, but still there and identical to Elaine's.

Yes, as it turned out, we were identical twins.

Any hope of diversity in looks went down the drain.

Our parents often mixed us up during bath times. It was even hard for us to keep up with who was supposed to be who when they kept on constantly calling us by different names.

Were still not sure who is who, all we know is that when we got older and were finally able to talk, we both just took a name and stuck with it.

I took the name Nami and she took the name Nori, although we hardly ever called each other that. We stuck with our real names when it was just the two of us speaking. Our first words were our own names, or at least an attempt at them.

She put a hand to her chest and said with great difficulty "Eway"

I mimicked the movement and said "Ema" Elaine seemed to frown at me when she noticed that I could pronounce my name more easily than her.

I handed her my toy in sympathy. Toys we're our only source of entertainment besides each other so she took it gratefully.

Being a baby wasn't very fun.

And teething was a...well, it was an experience.

We both fought over toys a lot more often when our teeth were coming in. Not to play with, but to chew on. We were so desperate for things to chew on that Elaine even tried to gnaw on me at one point.

This resulted in our first fight. It wasn't physical fight, it was a screaming match. She took a turn waving her arms around and yelling at me in gibberish, and then I took a turn doing the same.

Neither of had noticed that our brother had walked in during our scream battle until he spoke. We both turned in his direction at the same time in shock, then we went to pretending to be like normal babies. I don't know exactly what our older brother had said because of the huge language barrier cast by the fact that I only knew English, but I think he said something along the lines of "You guys are weird." In Japanese.

And we were weird.

At least to everyone else we were. At the age of 2 years old, we were both able to speak to each other a lot better than before, so naturally if anyone decided to walk into the room with the stealth and silence of a cat (Which was something that everyone in this house for some reason had) then you would catch us speaking and even yelling at each other in a strange dialect as if we understood every word that came out of each other's mouth. We were lucky that no one in our family understood English.

And Elaine was always trying to convince me to venture out of the crib late at night.

"C'mon Ema! Just come with me!" Elaine begged for the 5th time.

I pushed her off of me with my roughly with my small hand "No, stupid." I said.

She didn't give up though "But I'm tired of milk and mashed up food! I want a cookie!" She whined.

The only reason she wanted cookies was because our brother was a true sadist. He stood over our crib, dangling a cookie just out of our reach, then he ate the damned thing right in front of our faces.

He left both of us livid and craving cookies.

The only difference between Elaine and I was that she wanted to go out and take some from the kitchen.

"Let me sleep!" I told her angrily.

"Sure, once we get cookies." she grinned at me, revealing four tiny teeth identical to mine.

I decided to ignore her by turning over as if I was asleep.

"Ema?"

I remained silent.

"Eeeema?"

Shut up already.

"EMA, EMA, EMA!"

I huffed angrily.

"I heard that!" She said, shaking my shoulder violently.

I groaned tiredly "Ugh, fine, but you owe me 1 hour of complete silence for this!" I told her.

"Yes!" Elaine cheered.

And so, we climbed or way out of our crib that we were getting too big for and made our way over to the kitchen. It was dark so we stumbled a lot through the halls, it was lucky that we lived in a large house or our parents probably would have heard us.

We had almost made it to the kitchen when Elaine suddenly stopped right next to the large sliding door opening in the hallway.

"Woah." She breathed while staring outside with wide eyes.

Curiously, I looked over to what she saw.

"What are ya' looking at?" I asked her when I didn't see what had caught her attention. It was just the same garden path that led to a forest as usual. Our mother often took us on afternoon strolls on that path.

Elaine looked at me as if it was the most obvious thing in the world "BUT IT'S BLUE!"

I blinked at her "Yeah, and?" it was a full moon tonight so the flowers on the path were bathed in a blue moonlight, but other than that it looked the same.

Elaine spluttered at my nonchalance "I've never seen it blue like this." she told me in awe.

"It's just the moonlight, stupid." I yawned.

At that moment a single bright yellow firefly lazily flew by us. Then another appeared. Then another. And another. All of them in different spots along the garden path that led to the forest.

It was a firefly trail.

Weird.

Elaine, however, did not think that this was at all something to be wary of.

"Just got an epic idea, let's follow them!" She said excitedly.

"What? No, that's a terrible idea."

"Ema!" She threw her hands towards the trail of light as if trying to get me to see it "It is a firefly trail! How often do you see that!? Where is your sense of adventure? We are going!" She grabbed my hand and she started dragging me towards the forest.

"Are you crazy!? I can think of a hundred things that can get us killed out there! Animals, getting lost, chainsaw carrying maniacs!" I listed off.

"No excuses, were going on an adventure!" She told me determinedly.

"You never stick to the trail when we go out playing alone, were going to get lost!" I hissed at her.

She scoffed "Oh please, with my awesome navigation skills we'll be back home in no time!" Elaine said confidently.

And so, Elaine dragged me out into the forest against my will, following the trail of fireflies.

We ended up getting lost as I predicted.

Very lost.

We slept under a tree huddled up together. It was only in the late morning that we were finally able to find our way out of the forest, and we were both cold, hungry, and dirty.

Not to mention that the both of us were also completely unaware of the fact that we had just narrowly escaped the Uchiha massacre that had killed both of our parents and older brother.

Yeah...Nami and Nori, dodging bullets since two years old.


	2. We're fine

"Were gonna be fine." Elaine said as she paced back and forth in the empty room, stopping once in a while to peek out at the bloodied street as if it would suddenly _not_ be there.

"Someone's going to come and get us, we just have to wait." She continued to ramble under her breath, pulling at her black hair that hung in tangled clumps around her face.

I let her do what she wanted in silence.

She suddenly jerked to a stop and turned to me, "Emma, say something."

I forced my head up to look at her, "What would you like me to say?" I asked numbly.

Elaine took in a deep shuddering breath, "I don't know, just talk to me. I don't want it to be quiet." She said as she scampered over to where I was and sat shoulder to shoulder with me.

It was _very_ quiet, and Elaine was shaking like a leaf. It seemed like she was trying to stop herself by the way she clenched her hands together, but it wasn't working. She still vibrated as if someone was actively shaking her with quick jolted movements.

"Talk to me, Emma! About anything!" Elaine begged.

I let my head fall back against the wall I had pressed against my back, "Fine, do you think their all dead, Elaine?" I asked her quietly.

Elaine let out a choked sob, "Fuck, Emma! Don't say shit like that!"

I gritted my teeth, "They're dead, Elaine. In that bedroom, just across the hall, there are two dead people." I told her, not quite listening to what I was saying as my mouth went on autopilot, "And right next to that room, is a little boy," _don't say it,_ "and he's fucking _dead_!"

_you said it._

Elaine was openly sobbing now.

I looked at her through tear blurred vision, suddenly finding it harder to breathe, "Come on. We're going to go find some help." I said as I got up and tugged on Elaine's shirt.

She cried harder and let out what sounded like a muffled " _No."_

"Elaine, get up. We're leaving." I repeated.

She held out her hands in an effort to keep me away.

"Elaine, get up." I said again. I could hear my voice cracking, "Elaine, I need you to get up, please fucking _get up_!" The tears that I had repressed were now welling up.

"Elaine… I'm sorry. Please. Get up. I can't do this…fuck, I can't go out there alone."

When she showed no signs of getting up, I forcefully pulled her up by her shirt and started dragging her from under her arms towards the exit.

The overwhelming scent of blood was already there before we reached the door.

I took one last look at Elaine before I slid open the door, she was looking at the exit with palpable fear in her eyes.

I reached down and gripped her small hand in mine, "We're gonna be fine." I said, repeating her own words back to her, "We're going to go find someone out there, and we're gonna get help, and then… it's gonna be fine." I told Elaine firmly.

I took a deep breath, held it, and then walked out of the house with Elaine stumbling behind me. I obstinately ignored the blood that soaked through my shoes.

* * *

 

"Nami, Nori, this is Sasuke." The smiling woman said as she gently pushed us towards a small boy's hospital bed. He looked older than us, but still young. About 6 or 7.

He stared at us blankly with the familiar tell-tale black eyes of the Uchiha clan.

"This is all that's left?" he finally asked over a long stretch of silence.

His voice was faint and raspy, and the dark circles under his eyes told me that he was taking the loss of his entire family about as well as we were.

The woman looked extremely uncomfortable, "Ah… yes...this is all that's left." She said.

The boy's face twisted at that confirmation.

"I'm going to kill him." He gritted out, "When I get stronger, and faster, and _better_ , I'm going to hunt him down," anger was now contorting his youthful features into something entirely feral, "and I'm going to rip his throat out!"

Elaine took a cautionary step back when the boy suddenly leaped up. The woman rushed over to him, calling for the other medic-nin's while doing so.

Angry tears streaked down his face as he thrashed against her attempts at holding him down. There was a rush of people coming into the room to restrain the boy and lead us out.

Still, we heard him scream, and scream, and _scream_ until it abruptly died down. Someone must have sedated him.

Uchiha Sasuke, last male of the Uchiha compound. Brother to the traitor and massacre extraordinaire, Uchiha Itachi.

Also known as the new housemate of Nami and Nori until they figured out what the hell to do with us.


	3. Drag me down

"He's been out there doing push-ups out there for at least two hours now." Elaine informed me worriedly as she peered down from the window.

Ah yes, the revenge bent brat was at it again.

"Mhm, just let him wear himself out, he'll eventually stop." I said as I rolled over and cocooned myself into my blankets further.

"But he's just… god, we gotta do something or this kid's heart is gonna give out!"

I sighed, "Just leave it be, Elaine. If he wants to do push-up's until his arm's break, there's not a lot you can do to stop him." I told her.

If you so much as even suggested he take a break, you got a hateful glare until you until you left the room. Our caretaker's were still a little slow to realize this, always trying to get him to ease up on nearly obsessive training.

She scoffed, "Oh yeah? Just watch me." She said as she quickly marched out of the room. I watched her go with a wary eye trained on her. She returned about 5 minutes later with a full pale of overflowing water. I bolted upright.

Oh shit.

"…Elaine, no."  
She just grinned at me and waddled over the window that she had previously been watching Sasuke from.

I started to get up and inch toward her, hands out cautiously, "Elaine, give me the bucket."

She swung open the window.

"Elaine!", I warned her.

She hoisted the bucket up onto the window pane and then proceeded to dump all of its contents outside. A startled yelp followed, and then complete silence.

"Ha! It worked! He's stopped… now he's looking at me… now he's walking towards the house… aaaand…"

Elaine's head whipped towards me with a suddenly serious expression, "Emma, we need to run, like, right now!" She said.

I glared at her, then went back to my futon and covered my head with my blanket, "No, _you_ need to run.  _I_ didn't do anything."

Emma gave me a sly grin, "Ah, but you see,  _he_ doesn't know that. Twin's, remember?" she laughed as she was high tailing it out of our room, "You coming?" she called out.

"I hate you!" I yelled as I untangled myself from my covers and sprinted over to catch up with her.

It was only then that I realized that I would be forever associated with whatever idiocy my twin conducted in her life. "I hate you so much right now!" I repeated. Wait, where had she gone?

I was then jerked back by the collar of my shirt by a kid with a surprisingly firm grip for a 7 year old. Guess those push-ups actually did something.

"It wasn't me!" I immediately defended, switching over to Japanese.

Black eyes glared at me with a simmering fury. God, he was drenched to the bone with water, Elaine had hit her target spot on.  _ **"Where. Is. She?"**_ he demanded.

I raised my hands up in submission, "Down the hall, to the left, and into the small crawl space next to the basement." I informed him dutifully.

He spun around on the balls of his feet, and took off to the imaginary place that I had instructed him to go. Does this house even have a crawl space?

Elaine came out of the closet next to our room as soon as his footsteps were out of earshot.

Don't judge, he's a lot bigger than the two of us.

I smacked Elaine over the head, "You owe me, you idiot!" I hissed at her.

Elaine let out a relieved breath that she had been holding in until now, "Yeah, thanks. Thought I done there for a moment."

"Yeah, well now we're both going to get screwed once he finds out I lied. Happy that you decided to lend a helping hand, Elaine? Hmmm?" I asked, pulling the skin of her cheeks.

She stuck her tongue out at me, "You suck when you're gloating." She informed me, sulkily.

"NAMI! NORI!" Sasuke raged from the other side of the house.

"Jesus, when is this kid gonna mellow out? He's always so freaking angry all the time." said Elaine as we began to run again.

I gave her an incredulous look, "You just dumped a bucket of water on him….you know what, forget it, let's just pick up the pace and find the care taker's. I don't think he'll shake us until our necks break if we're right in front of them.

"Sure, running for my life, I can do that!" Elaine chirped happily.

"I'M GOING TO DROP YOU TWO OFF OF THE ROOF WHEN I CATCH YOU!"

Elaine laughed loudly, "Bet you that you can't, ya' wimp!" She yelled over her shoulder, tauntingly.

She's going to get me strangled one day.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment if ya want! ima try and update this instead of leaving it in the shivering cold like my other fanfic's. But then again, I am kinda unreliable so no promises! :D


End file.
